Apparently I'm lucky enough to be the 1%

***I will give you fair warning that I'm not "happy" today. I'm having one of those "low" days that comes along with bed rest after 11 weeks. I'll try to write a happier post tomorrow or Friday.

How far along? 33 weeks, 1 day
Weight gain/loss: Gained back those 3 pounds I had lost...back to +12 from pre-pregnancy
Maternity clothes? regular t-shirts and sweatpants at home...maternity clothes when I go to the doctor. I put on my size 2 maternity blue jean capris today! I haven't worn them since about 17 weeks and I was very surprised to see they still fit.
Stretch marks? None yet
Sleep? Thinking about sleep, or lack there of, makes me want to cry...all the time.
Best moment this week? My baby shower! I will post about it another day.
Food cravings: Nothing really
Gender: BOY
Belly button in or out? In
Movement? 24 hour dance party still going strong!
What I miss? sleeeeeeeeeep...and what it feels like to not itch
What I'm looking forward to: Getting the stitch out soon.
Milestones: 33 weeks is a milestone.

Jordan and I went to our high risk doctor on Monday and Logan looked perfect! He is still my big boy and is now 5lbs 7 oz at only 33 weeks. For those of you who don't know, Jordan was born at 33 weeks and weighed 5lbs 6oz. Soooo...Logan is taking after his daddy size wise. Before we left, I mentioned being tested for cholestasis (google it!) and the doctor said if the results were positive, I would need to be started on meds ASAP, have weekly non-stress tests done, and would need to be induced early to ensure the safety of the baby. At this point, we had not received the results of my blood work yet, so that night I left a message with my other doctor's nurse explaining what the high-risk doctor recommended and asked if my lab results were back yet.

I heard back from my doctor's nurse late yesterday afternoon. Turns out that I do, in fact, have cholestasis. This liver disorder is so rare that it only effects about 1% of all pregnant women. Of this 1%, it usually occurs in women carrying multiples or women who have a history of liver issues. I don't have either. Really? REALLY? I just want to scream, "WHY ME?" *Here goes my pity party. I feel like I've been through so much already. I go from having a super doctor's appointment to getting information like this. I'm so miserable right now. I can't stop itching and I can no longer sleep at night. Imagine the worst itch you've ever had. Multiply that times 100 and have it be over your entire body. That's what I deal with on a daily basis. Nothing helps. I scratch and scratch and scratch, but the itch NEVER goes away. As I sit here typing this, I'm so exhausted I can hardly keep my eyes open, yet I can't sleep. My bile acid levels were only 1 point over the "normal" range so I can't even imagine what this must feel like in a severe case...and I NEVER want to find out.

Once I got the results, the doctor called in medicine that I now take twice a day until Logan arrives. I have been told by my brother, who is a doctor, and my regular doctor that the medicine should start relieving some of the itching soon. I wish it would hurry up! My doctor wanted to see me ASAP today for my first non-stress test. It was pretty easy, thank goodness. They hooked me up to the monitor to watch for contractions, listen to Logan's heartbeat, and I had to push a button every time he moved. It only lasted about 15 minutes and then I met with my doctor. Logan looked great during the test. Basically, I will see my doctor every 4 to 5 days from now until delivery to have non-stress tests and ultrasounds. This is all due to the risks associated with cholestasis, which I will NOT go in to because I just don't want to let my mind go there.

Typically, women with cholestasis are induced no later than 37 weeks. I asked about that today and my doctor said it's still a little to early to tell. We will have to take it one non-stress test at a time. It might mean that the stitch comes out sooner than 36 weeks and it might mean a c-section. I was praying today the doctor would give me a set in stone end date and I'm starting to wish for a c-section. I've already proven to myself how strong I am and a normal delivery is not that important to me. I don't need to prove anything else to myself or anyone else. What I NEED is a healthy baby boy in my arms. If ANYTHING looks somewhat "iffy" during one of these tests, Logan will be delivered that day. It's too risky to leave him in there and having him safe in the NICU would be better than the alternative. Soooo...I go back in 2 days for an ultrasound because they didn't have time to do one today. Please, PLEASE, pray for little Logan these next few weeks.

It's hard to not get depressed at this stage in the game. I have been through so much already and I just want my baby to be safe. Every time I think about the things that have gone wrong, I remind myself how lucky we were to get pregnant on the first try, how lucky we are that Logan is healthy, and how lucky we are to have doctors who have stayed on top of everything to keep Logan "cooking." Still, today I'm just exhausted, both mentally and physically. Everyone has been SO great and supportive, but today is just one of those bad days where I just want to cry all day.

I will post a bump picture and details about my baby shower this weekend. Those are happy things that I will save for a different post!